Last Novemeber

Almost a year ago, over the Thanksgiving break, I went on a trip down to Louisiana to visit an old high school friend of mine. Well I won't bother to go into all the details of the ill fated trip other than the fact that the first night I was there I had my bag stolen. Apparently it was this senseless act of crime that has effectively driven a wedge in between myself and my friend.

Normally I try to just process these things on my own, but in particularity bad cases I like to get my thoughts down onto paper or cyber-space to help me think. The reason all of this is coming up now almost a year later is because yesterday I was finally able to contact my old friend. Up to that point, I had not heard a word from him despite several calls and texts. In the course of the first few weeks after this happened, I grew more concerned over the loss of my friendship than I did over the loss of some possessions.

So we talked and I guess the issue was my reaction; or better stated, my over-reaction to the loss of my bag. At the time is was a very dramatic experience for me because I had never had that much stuff stolen from me before. But it was not the stuff really, it was my car keys and also my camera. The car keys were the biggest issue, because I needed to be able to find a dealer that could make a new set, but the only one that could make one was closed until Monday.

I could go through all the aspects of what happened. Who said what when, etc. etc. But I don't really see the point in doing this. I know I did what I felt I needed to do while being as sensitive as possible to my friend's position in this. He was sick as well and that made matters worse. I know the whole weekend was consumed with me trying to figure out what I was going to do and in retrospect maybe I should not have called my parents the night it happened, but I was really in shock because I had not lost my car keys before. I needed someone to talk to that could be in a position to help me if this was to become a worse case scenario. Was that all that bad? In all, I really didn't do anything rash, save for maybe some of the off handed remarks I said while on the phone with my mom and he was in earshot. I regret that. I regret being nervous about it, but sometimes when I am in a tough spot that is the only emotion I have. Is that my fault that I felt a certain way?

So now here we are. I called him he told me that this is the reason he tried to cut me off. He also mentioned that a message I left regarding the insurance situation was also to blame. That somehow I acted inappropriately by calling regarding making a insurance claim on my bag and seeing if they made a claim on their broken car window so that they could be coupled together. I think this was simply a misunderstanding. Obviously, I didn't expect for them to make a claim on my bag without them knowing its contents, but somehow that is the message that was sent to them. Again, rather than calling me about this, he chose to believe what he wanted to without getting all the facts. There is only so much stuff you can leave on a phone message and maybe I should not have mentioned anything, other than for him to call me. Lesson learned.

I said I was sorry, in fact I have said I was sorry for everything at least three times to him now. I honestly could be asking for an apology from him on the way he has treated me through all of this. I know that getting something stolen is not a big deal to him, but that is no excuse for a complete lack of empathy or even understanding about what I was trying to deal with. He did not appreciate my position being in a place totally foreign to me, not having any transportation, etc. I know he helped at the time and I am grateful for that, but to then turn around and hold against me that being a bit stressed out was somehow an overreaction makes me cringe in anger. I wish he would try to see life from my shoes. It was an awkward situation for me and I hated that fact that I was forcing them to drive me places to help me because I needed help. I did thank them as well for this.

We are just different people in every possible way, and maybe in H.S. we stuck together because we didn't really have many other friends to rely on, but now that we are out of that environment and we have chosen different paths for our lives, it is obvious that we have a totally different way or approach at living life. I think now that if it wasn't for the robbery I think it would have been something else. This was bound to happen. He is upset because I am not like him. That is basically what this is all about. That I reacted in a way that he would not have reacted in and because I was upset about the thing, I am not longer worthy to be his friend.

So how I see this now is that the ball is in his court. I left one last text for him yesterday and that will be the end of it unless he decides to let this thing go and call me. My guess is he won't. He never said he forgave me although he said he doesn't hold a grudge. But that is no matter, the damage is done and I can tell he has no interest in me anymore. We didn't speak for nearly a year and he doesn't ask me a single question about what is going on in my life. Then he abruptly ends the call with and excuse to end it and doesn't call back. These should be the biggest signs of all that sadly the friendship has died.

All this having been said, I will not allow this experience to wash over me and become part of my past. Despite everything that went wrong that weekend I did learn some valuable life lessons that I intend to employ in the future.
(1) When bad things happen, try to remain calm and composed and realize that God is in control. My over-reaction is a legitimate claim. I should not have called my parents that night without knowing all the facts and what would end up happening. I certainly should have not said anything bad about New Orleans.
(2) Realize that stuff is not as important as people. I really failed at this lesson. Possessions can always be replaced, maybe with some extra effort, but in time they can be restored. Friendships on the other hand are irreplaceable. Yes it was a pain and it screwed up the weekend, but I still could have made more of an effort to enjoy New Orleans and try to relax a little even after everything went to hell.

So I know I need to work on some things, I hope that my long time friend realizes that I know I need to change and become a better friend to others. However, I have done everything I am going to do as far as me and him. Our future is in his hands now, I have made my peace with this no matter what the outcome is. I hope that he can do the same and seek to one day forgive me for my share of this in his heart.
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