This won't be long, I have a lot I need to get to today, and the day is already half over! I have not been doing the dumbing down files, but rather just trying to find everything on the internet about them and those who do, do them and seeing the effects on their diction. This has kept me going for some days and in a sense I have been in a fog with this still, but I do have other things I am doing, social events, work, etc., that is breaking this up so I am not totally immersed. I have seen some of the darker sides of Fet Life and it has been sobering, to say the least. I am not sure how far I will ever go into some of these fetishes as they seem to be all consuming.
The upshot of all of this is my latest fixation on dumbing down, which has dominated my sexual life for the last two weeks (man I wish I kept my log still!!! Why was I ever talked out of keeping this?) appears to be gradually fading away. It (as with any fetish) is fueled my some sort of media, be it visual, writing, etc., and so when this media is exhausted, there is no more fuel for the fire. This is a weird fetish, I don't need images, I need to see people's dumbing down, particularly if they were smart once and then became dumb. The irony of all of this is when it work --truly works-- you will not hear from the subjects who dumbed down, they will no longer have the desire or ability to post on their progress and certainly will lack all capacity to reflect on it. So I really can only see glimpses into people's lives as they are doing it, and then they fall off, never to be heard from again on line. It is scary, but seems to be the only way to get any info. on it.
I know in the long run, that it will be better for me to run out of media to consume. At some point I need to carry on with my life and do what I need to do. If I won't take the plunge all the way, then there is no point looking longingly over that cliff, imagining I am jumping and watching those who have.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
IQ Reduction File
Ok, I did it. I no longer feel dumb, the effects wore off already. It made me feel really heavy and wonderful. I am not nearly as afarid of these files now as I was before, I can still feel that there are some lingering effects, but not vert severe. I am inverting my letters more, but that is just my typing and dyslexia, so I dont know for sure. More later, I am not in the mood to write now, I just wanted to update the blog as I promised I would do that.
Pleasurable Failure
Well this won't be long, all I am doing now is letting my readers know I have failed quiet pleasurably. I wore a goodnite and wet it in my sleep and today I listened to hypnosis on giving myself a manly cock, that focused on masturbation in the induction, quiet exciting. I can't get away, I don't want to anymore. As long as I can remain who I am, I will continue on my journey down this rabbit hole. Will I get help? Probably, but not sure when I will make the calls to get that set up. This will happen if I can no longer function with my current level of activity. I have a roommate now, so that is helping me not bate all day, I can't, he dosn't know about me, as much as I want him to know about me, it will just scare him off, so this will be kept to times alone in my room, late at night, which is kinda hot too, if you think about it.
I intend to fully do the IQ reduction file when I know for sure it will not have long lasting effects, which I think it wont. This is the file that is on youtube that makes you a retard for a few hours, I think I will try it before I go to bed tonight and see if I can write a post or not. I won't bother correcting any of the spelling or grammar so I can see how bad I get, this will make me feel so good to go back and read it again and again so I can masturbate to my own stupidity. :). Yeah, this thing has ahold of me, its a huge fetish for me, I have had it for a long time and now it is in me and I can't get it out, I want to feel dumb, to see what its like to not be able to think, to spell, to do much of anything but be aroused and to masturbate, that would be so hot. My hope is this will not have any long-term effects and that is stays safe.
My next post (hopefully if everything goes to plan) will be after I listen to the IQ reduction file. I also want to take an IQ test while under to see how far I drop down. Don't worry folks, this blog will be your front row seats into my descent into this fetish! Enjoy.
I intend to fully do the IQ reduction file when I know for sure it will not have long lasting effects, which I think it wont. This is the file that is on youtube that makes you a retard for a few hours, I think I will try it before I go to bed tonight and see if I can write a post or not. I won't bother correcting any of the spelling or grammar so I can see how bad I get, this will make me feel so good to go back and read it again and again so I can masturbate to my own stupidity. :). Yeah, this thing has ahold of me, its a huge fetish for me, I have had it for a long time and now it is in me and I can't get it out, I want to feel dumb, to see what its like to not be able to think, to spell, to do much of anything but be aroused and to masturbate, that would be so hot. My hope is this will not have any long-term effects and that is stays safe.
My next post (hopefully if everything goes to plan) will be after I listen to the IQ reduction file. I also want to take an IQ test while under to see how far I drop down. Don't worry folks, this blog will be your front row seats into my descent into this fetish! Enjoy.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Coming back up for air
So in the last week, I have been on the ride of my life. It seems that the more I get into "being dumb" the more addicting is my pursuit of the fetish. I am literally on the fringes of diving in all the way, doing as much as I can to taste the pleasure without it impacting my daily life. This has been pleasurable, but along with that very risky behavior, so much so that as of today I am taking a break from it.
Firstly, it must be clear that there are real risks to using hypnosis. I think they are like drugs for the mind, that we hear. I have seen this first hand in many areas on the web where casual listeners from all walks of life, are degraded and made to be stupid without any ability to right themselves. Hypnosis is powerful, when done in the right conditions, and it CAN CHANGE you! So there are unintended consequences to the behavior that impact us outside the setting of the initial session, it can stay with you and in severe cases can only be removed by more hypnosis.
The "being dumb" hypnotic fetish (or referred to as IQ reduction Fetish) and my "dark bate" have somewhat merged as I found a person who seems to be enthralled in both and he has done a lot to draw me into this, but I feel the strain this is causing me both spiritually and professionally. I have noticed mistakes at work, as I am more and more distracted by my fantasy, so much that it has followed me to work and into my daily life. I have felt a poignant ache within me as I am starving out my soul of meaningful nourishment through godly relationship and study.
I decided I don't like the direction this is going. As I mentioned in an earlier post on this subject, every fetish I have has a deep consequence if taken to its full extent. This is the "brain and soul". I was with friends last night, playing some games, and we played Crimes Against Humanity, in which the discourse of the conversation devolved into a depraved, perverted, and even sacrilegious tone. While funny and entertaining at the time, this left me with a heavy heart as I yet indulged again into the pleasures of masturbating to misspellings of those who have whole-heartily entered into the realms of dumbing down. So much so, I came at least three times, causing a physical pain in my groin.
I need to slow down, I need to take a breath, take stock of where I am and where things are going. For one, if I continue on this course, I will likely loose my faith as I would be in perpetual sin, and would value this over my relationship with God. While on the face, getting dumb may not seem to be a sin, but the pleasure in this regression is an increase in lustful thoughts and base gratification of the flesh; the whole an unintelligent response to pure nothingness of thoughtless behaviors. We become degraded, the mental faculties no longer in control, we become part animal, full of needs and desires for pleasure and masturbation. This is sin because it devalues spiritual relationships, and especially the part of loving God with out minds. It is a very strong distraction from the focus on Christ as our guide and friend. It is no different than getting drunk, or high, or any other matter of speaking that alters our conscious mind to a distorted state, even if pleasurable, is not designed by my maker.
So, those who are in the mire of this, would argue why do I not just shed the shackles of the Christian faith and enjoy perverted liberation? Believe me the thought has crossed my mind more than once, but for me the costs are too high. For one, I am unwilling to do hypnosis to simply take away my fear of being damned. If I don't have the fear, it dose not remove the real possibility that I am heading straight towards a cliff, where certain peril awaits. All it does it turns off the warning bells. Let me put it this way, if there is a fire in my house, the solution is not turning off the smoke detector and going back to bed! It is getting the hell out of the house! I believe hell is real, I believe if we reject God whole-heartily, blasphemy the Holy Spirit, and indulge in limitless sin (which is a real thing) there will be hell to pay, literally, and hell is not a fun place, it is agony, it unending torture, pain, and utter separation from the light, from love, from God. There is no love in hell, no delights, it is utter misery for eternity. So I'm pretty sure I don't want to be there. I may be wrong about this, no one really knows for sure, but I saw a video on Youtube called 8 minutes in hell, google it, its sobering and very disturbing, and seems to fit with some descriptions in Scripture about the eternal lake of fire. Again, I am not advocating that is is EXACTLY what hell it like, it could be more benign, or even wore, heaven forbid, but in any case it is a scary place. A place that even Satan does not want to be, he will be punished too, you know.
Secondly, leaving Christianity would be earth shattering for my personal life, which revolves around my faith community. I am very involved, committed, and my life here would be very dark indeed if I no longer attended any church and was left to my own devices. Sure there would be pleasure, but that will not stave off the utter loneliness and lack of purpose that would result from such a departure from community, I would be in some sort of hell as described in CS Lewis's book, The Great Divorce, which I highly recommend.
So all that on hell and community is to conclude that I cannot continue on this course, there is only so much grace to go around, and if I keep on sinning, am I really repentant? Or just using it like my weekly get out of jail free card, my free pass so I can go about living in pleasure....that is not true repentance, that is wanting it both ways: the delights of sin, but not wanting to pay its cost. I may be mistaken, but I am pretty sure it does not work that way. Jesus wants out hearts, our minds, our souls, our all. How can we do that if part of us is sucked into a all-consuming fetish, in which Satan is just waiting to take me in, making clever arguments as to why its okay to just taste it a little, to just play a little, no one will know, no one will care, Jesus will forgive you, so why not, just a little more?...very enticing, very tempting, but that is what the chief prevaricator does, he temps he confuses us until we are in too deep, and then showers us with guilt so that we cannot possible return to the light after where we been, too dirty now to go back...
So where does this lead me? Well clearly this is a swing in my great oscillation, as I often refer to. I describe my sexual life an ever swinging pendulum from one extreme to the other, bliss to chastity back to bliss. Guilt-Repentance-Temptation-Pleasure-Guilt... I know I will come back, the pendulum always swings back. For now, I want to a week of peace and then I will assess where I am. I am not saying I won't jerk off this next week, or even read more forum posts, but what I have committed to are two things. 1) No diapers. 2) No hypnosis. I see these as related as one part of the fog that has enveloped me. When I am diapers I do not feel like myself, I feel good all the time, and cannot focus on much, it takes me longer to do just about everything. Hypnosis only amplifies this effect to making me even more scattered and dreamy, and I wonder why I think God prefers this behavior? How can I focus to pray, to do anything for Him while in this state? It is like being drunk on pleasure. It is one reason why I won't wear diapers at church. It just feels....disrespectful. If I got to a point where wearing 24/7 was so normal that is was not something I even noticed anymore, then I think it would be different, but that is not how I feel now.
I will hope to come back in a week, next Sunday, to report on how I did, success or failure, I will do my best to report on where I am going. If I am unable to handle this, I will seek professional help from a therapist for sexual addiction and fetishism.
Firstly, it must be clear that there are real risks to using hypnosis. I think they are like drugs for the mind, that we hear. I have seen this first hand in many areas on the web where casual listeners from all walks of life, are degraded and made to be stupid without any ability to right themselves. Hypnosis is powerful, when done in the right conditions, and it CAN CHANGE you! So there are unintended consequences to the behavior that impact us outside the setting of the initial session, it can stay with you and in severe cases can only be removed by more hypnosis.
The "being dumb" hypnotic fetish (or referred to as IQ reduction Fetish) and my "dark bate" have somewhat merged as I found a person who seems to be enthralled in both and he has done a lot to draw me into this, but I feel the strain this is causing me both spiritually and professionally. I have noticed mistakes at work, as I am more and more distracted by my fantasy, so much that it has followed me to work and into my daily life. I have felt a poignant ache within me as I am starving out my soul of meaningful nourishment through godly relationship and study.
I decided I don't like the direction this is going. As I mentioned in an earlier post on this subject, every fetish I have has a deep consequence if taken to its full extent. This is the "brain and soul". I was with friends last night, playing some games, and we played Crimes Against Humanity, in which the discourse of the conversation devolved into a depraved, perverted, and even sacrilegious tone. While funny and entertaining at the time, this left me with a heavy heart as I yet indulged again into the pleasures of masturbating to misspellings of those who have whole-heartily entered into the realms of dumbing down. So much so, I came at least three times, causing a physical pain in my groin.
I need to slow down, I need to take a breath, take stock of where I am and where things are going. For one, if I continue on this course, I will likely loose my faith as I would be in perpetual sin, and would value this over my relationship with God. While on the face, getting dumb may not seem to be a sin, but the pleasure in this regression is an increase in lustful thoughts and base gratification of the flesh; the whole an unintelligent response to pure nothingness of thoughtless behaviors. We become degraded, the mental faculties no longer in control, we become part animal, full of needs and desires for pleasure and masturbation. This is sin because it devalues spiritual relationships, and especially the part of loving God with out minds. It is a very strong distraction from the focus on Christ as our guide and friend. It is no different than getting drunk, or high, or any other matter of speaking that alters our conscious mind to a distorted state, even if pleasurable, is not designed by my maker.
So, those who are in the mire of this, would argue why do I not just shed the shackles of the Christian faith and enjoy perverted liberation? Believe me the thought has crossed my mind more than once, but for me the costs are too high. For one, I am unwilling to do hypnosis to simply take away my fear of being damned. If I don't have the fear, it dose not remove the real possibility that I am heading straight towards a cliff, where certain peril awaits. All it does it turns off the warning bells. Let me put it this way, if there is a fire in my house, the solution is not turning off the smoke detector and going back to bed! It is getting the hell out of the house! I believe hell is real, I believe if we reject God whole-heartily, blasphemy the Holy Spirit, and indulge in limitless sin (which is a real thing) there will be hell to pay, literally, and hell is not a fun place, it is agony, it unending torture, pain, and utter separation from the light, from love, from God. There is no love in hell, no delights, it is utter misery for eternity. So I'm pretty sure I don't want to be there. I may be wrong about this, no one really knows for sure, but I saw a video on Youtube called 8 minutes in hell, google it, its sobering and very disturbing, and seems to fit with some descriptions in Scripture about the eternal lake of fire. Again, I am not advocating that is is EXACTLY what hell it like, it could be more benign, or even wore, heaven forbid, but in any case it is a scary place. A place that even Satan does not want to be, he will be punished too, you know.
Secondly, leaving Christianity would be earth shattering for my personal life, which revolves around my faith community. I am very involved, committed, and my life here would be very dark indeed if I no longer attended any church and was left to my own devices. Sure there would be pleasure, but that will not stave off the utter loneliness and lack of purpose that would result from such a departure from community, I would be in some sort of hell as described in CS Lewis's book, The Great Divorce, which I highly recommend.
So all that on hell and community is to conclude that I cannot continue on this course, there is only so much grace to go around, and if I keep on sinning, am I really repentant? Or just using it like my weekly get out of jail free card, my free pass so I can go about living in pleasure....that is not true repentance, that is wanting it both ways: the delights of sin, but not wanting to pay its cost. I may be mistaken, but I am pretty sure it does not work that way. Jesus wants out hearts, our minds, our souls, our all. How can we do that if part of us is sucked into a all-consuming fetish, in which Satan is just waiting to take me in, making clever arguments as to why its okay to just taste it a little, to just play a little, no one will know, no one will care, Jesus will forgive you, so why not, just a little more?...very enticing, very tempting, but that is what the chief prevaricator does, he temps he confuses us until we are in too deep, and then showers us with guilt so that we cannot possible return to the light after where we been, too dirty now to go back...
So where does this lead me? Well clearly this is a swing in my great oscillation, as I often refer to. I describe my sexual life an ever swinging pendulum from one extreme to the other, bliss to chastity back to bliss. Guilt-Repentance-Temptation-Pleasure-Guilt... I know I will come back, the pendulum always swings back. For now, I want to a week of peace and then I will assess where I am. I am not saying I won't jerk off this next week, or even read more forum posts, but what I have committed to are two things. 1) No diapers. 2) No hypnosis. I see these as related as one part of the fog that has enveloped me. When I am diapers I do not feel like myself, I feel good all the time, and cannot focus on much, it takes me longer to do just about everything. Hypnosis only amplifies this effect to making me even more scattered and dreamy, and I wonder why I think God prefers this behavior? How can I focus to pray, to do anything for Him while in this state? It is like being drunk on pleasure. It is one reason why I won't wear diapers at church. It just feels....disrespectful. If I got to a point where wearing 24/7 was so normal that is was not something I even noticed anymore, then I think it would be different, but that is not how I feel now.
I will hope to come back in a week, next Sunday, to report on how I did, success or failure, I will do my best to report on where I am going. If I am unable to handle this, I will seek professional help from a therapist for sexual addiction and fetishism.
Monday, January 5, 2015
More Thoughts on Being Dumb
So I must be on some kind of record here for the most posts in such a short period, I love that I can always come back to my blog as my personal security blanket of reflection. You see why I can't dumb down? If I did all my writing would be. hey sup guyz, tis is awsum...luv be dum. It would shock some of you, and it rightfully so. What a decent into academic regression, I would have betrayed Mrs. Bolton, my special education teacher, who worked so many long hours on my spelling, not to mention all of the other teachers and mentors, college professors and guides, and my parents, who have been besides me in my academic career. Who PAID probably close to $100,000 to put me through college. I have landed a great job, its stressful, but it's a great place to be in my profession, doing what I love. Would I give all that up so I could be hard and mindless.
Bit, none of these practical matters are enough to take away the desire I have to feel the pleasure of mental regression. I think I will experiment with some of the temporary files, if I can truly deem them as safe, but that is as far as I will go with this. I felt weird last night, reading the posts of at least three people who started out normal and articulate, regressed to.....me is dum dum hehe felz gud..... to....nothing, yes, they stop posting at all, because they kept coming back to the files, for the effect, as they are addictive, and they kept taking more and more away from these people that there is nothing left, at least as far as their web presence, who knows how they are carrying on in real life. Maybe this is only writing, but in one case the grammar and spelling errors were so profound, I would guess he was at about a 2nd or 3rd grade level. And on several levels, writing reading and vocabulary comprehension. Now he may have not been Einstein to start this, but that kind of drop was sobering, after I came I realized these people are effectively ruined. They have no sense of duty, or gratitude and respect to those who spent at least 12 years or more educating them. They seemed to have no ambition and sadly no sense of hope. It is like seeing someone get onto drugs, turn into a drug addict, and you see their life turn into mush. I get that its a turn on, I really do get it, I am there, but to make on fetish control and overshadow your whole life? That seems extreme.
All this to say I felt sick at the end of the evening, wondering how these files can be legal, but then again there is no law that says you can't be stupid, only the Darwin Awards!! More later.
Bit, none of these practical matters are enough to take away the desire I have to feel the pleasure of mental regression. I think I will experiment with some of the temporary files, if I can truly deem them as safe, but that is as far as I will go with this. I felt weird last night, reading the posts of at least three people who started out normal and articulate, regressed to.....me is dum dum hehe felz gud..... to....nothing, yes, they stop posting at all, because they kept coming back to the files, for the effect, as they are addictive, and they kept taking more and more away from these people that there is nothing left, at least as far as their web presence, who knows how they are carrying on in real life. Maybe this is only writing, but in one case the grammar and spelling errors were so profound, I would guess he was at about a 2nd or 3rd grade level. And on several levels, writing reading and vocabulary comprehension. Now he may have not been Einstein to start this, but that kind of drop was sobering, after I came I realized these people are effectively ruined. They have no sense of duty, or gratitude and respect to those who spent at least 12 years or more educating them. They seemed to have no ambition and sadly no sense of hope. It is like seeing someone get onto drugs, turn into a drug addict, and you see their life turn into mush. I get that its a turn on, I really do get it, I am there, but to make on fetish control and overshadow your whole life? That seems extreme.
All this to say I felt sick at the end of the evening, wondering how these files can be legal, but then again there is no law that says you can't be stupid, only the Darwin Awards!! More later.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Forbidden Fetishes
I know I have been blogging a lot lately, but that is because I have a lot going on internally right now, starting from about a month ago. I think I have finally come to some conclusion as to what my problems are. This is by no means conclusive on this subject, but it is at least another piece to the puzzle that makes up my very warped sexuality.
I have a propensity towards what I call "forbidden" fetishes. If the thing is off limits, that makes it all the more appealing. Here is a list to help illustrate this point.
Dumbing Down Fetish = Losing Your Brain power
Bed Wetting Fetish = Losing Bladder Control while sleeping
Diaper Dependence - 24/7 Diaper Usage = Loss of Bladder Control
Satanism/Blasphemy Fetish (including Cock Worship) = Losing Your Soul
Sports Gear and Shoe Fetish = Accumulation of unneeded sports gear
Masturbation Addition Fetish = Lose of Faith, ability to do other things, slave to porn
NOTE: I originally this post had more explanation about each of these, but the stupid computer blogger program gave me a bunch of "blogger-date escaped" and stuff when I did some formatting. Anyways, I think I (or whoever reads this) gets the point of what I am saying.
So every fetish I can think of has some kind of consequence that is bad, harmful, or just plain unhealthy. And that, in some sick, perverted way, is exactly why I am attracted to them. I do my best to mask the consequences, not enter into them all the way, which 1) dulls the orgasm, and 2) does not fully engage with the fetish. The fetishes that are the strongest in me right now are the ones that are the hardest to obtain. Sports gear is a non-issue, I just buy more gear and keep it, it can be an issue if left unchecked for a long time, but on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give my love of sports gear a 3. It's just not enough anymore. All I can do is imagine that I am dumbing down, or regressing in some way, and wearing the sports gear enhances that as a subject already sort of a "dumb jock".
The strongest right now is Dumbing Down, because it is so unobtainable for me, so the desire for it never goes away, it's like a mirage off in the distance, and I keep running after it, but it never comes to me, because I never actually run, I just pretend to run, because actually running would mean I would lose my brain, and thus I would not want to accept those consequences.
I have looked into this issue on Warp My Mind, and have made some file suggestions to make a file that does not make you dumb, but makes you *think* you are dumb, so you get the same affect, without it actually harming you. I am not sure if such a thing is possible, but there are so many wild, crazy files on that site, why not? I am a 103 IQ, (based on one on-line test) that can easily be seen as a drop from 120, so I could get all the pleasure of thinking I dropped from 120, when in fact I have not. It's all perception. I don't think a similar fake out approach is possible with my other fetishes with serious consequences, but the dumbing down one seems like its possible, I don't know.
In the meantime, I will continue to wallow in this in hopes I find something that can still turn me on. I know I just need a break from all of this, which is why I am not wearing diapers today. A dear friend of mine thought that the real issue here is that I just don't have anyone in my life. I cannot agree more, the problem is finding that right person, it is not as easy as you would think. At least for me.
I have a propensity towards what I call "forbidden" fetishes. If the thing is off limits, that makes it all the more appealing. Here is a list to help illustrate this point.
Dumbing Down Fetish = Losing Your Brain power
Bed Wetting Fetish = Losing Bladder Control while sleeping
Diaper Dependence - 24/7 Diaper Usage = Loss of Bladder Control
Satanism/Blasphemy Fetish (including Cock Worship) = Losing Your Soul
Sports Gear and Shoe Fetish = Accumulation of unneeded sports gear
Masturbation Addition Fetish = Lose of Faith, ability to do other things, slave to porn
NOTE: I originally this post had more explanation about each of these, but the stupid computer blogger program gave me a bunch of "blogger-date escaped" and stuff when I did some formatting. Anyways, I think I (or whoever reads this) gets the point of what I am saying.
So every fetish I can think of has some kind of consequence that is bad, harmful, or just plain unhealthy. And that, in some sick, perverted way, is exactly why I am attracted to them. I do my best to mask the consequences, not enter into them all the way, which 1) dulls the orgasm, and 2) does not fully engage with the fetish. The fetishes that are the strongest in me right now are the ones that are the hardest to obtain. Sports gear is a non-issue, I just buy more gear and keep it, it can be an issue if left unchecked for a long time, but on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give my love of sports gear a 3. It's just not enough anymore. All I can do is imagine that I am dumbing down, or regressing in some way, and wearing the sports gear enhances that as a subject already sort of a "dumb jock".
The strongest right now is Dumbing Down, because it is so unobtainable for me, so the desire for it never goes away, it's like a mirage off in the distance, and I keep running after it, but it never comes to me, because I never actually run, I just pretend to run, because actually running would mean I would lose my brain, and thus I would not want to accept those consequences.
I have looked into this issue on Warp My Mind, and have made some file suggestions to make a file that does not make you dumb, but makes you *think* you are dumb, so you get the same affect, without it actually harming you. I am not sure if such a thing is possible, but there are so many wild, crazy files on that site, why not? I am a 103 IQ, (based on one on-line test) that can easily be seen as a drop from 120, so I could get all the pleasure of thinking I dropped from 120, when in fact I have not. It's all perception. I don't think a similar fake out approach is possible with my other fetishes with serious consequences, but the dumbing down one seems like its possible, I don't know.
In the meantime, I will continue to wallow in this in hopes I find something that can still turn me on. I know I just need a break from all of this, which is why I am not wearing diapers today. A dear friend of mine thought that the real issue here is that I just don't have anyone in my life. I cannot agree more, the problem is finding that right person, it is not as easy as you would think. At least for me.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Fuzzy Dumbness Update
Ok, so I have finally gotten through reading all 42 pages of the thread I was reading on Warp My Mind, did I mention I was reading a thread last time? Well I have read it and I think I went through some kind of self hypnosis of some kind. I did briefly listen to one file, but I know it was not nearly enough to make an impact, it was for only 30 seconds or something. I did cum to it though, maybe that was enough? I don't know. I do think that the content of this particular thread was enough to put me into a trance, all pleasure is dumbness and dumbness is pleasure. The more dumb people posted, the better it seemed, and I kept on this cycle until I went to yoga today and that sort of snapped me out of it for the time being. I did notice that I was unable to recall who Catherine of Aragon was, I kept thinking her name was Mary, or something, and I knew it was wrong, but as hard as I tried, I could not recall the name. This is not some obscure fact for me, I watch documentaries on British history and read books about Henry VIII. Hell, I watched The Tutors, for crying out loud! One of the first things that happens is your brain sheds what it considers "useless knowledge". I was in a fuzzy brain state for a while.
I read some of the posts be site members who seemed the most committed and affected by the files, and I have confirmed that indeed one of them, the more severe case, has stayed dumb, and has really turned into a different person as a result of the files. It is real, it is scary. But because it is real and scary, it is hotter than anything. No longer is my regression thoughts mere fantasies, it can be seen in real people who have literally regressed their intelligence and they find pleasure in it. It truly does feel good to be dumb.
So where do I sit in all of this? I know that I cannot do this for one. I love to write! Can you tell yet? I write stories, even a full novel I care about, that I want to get published! I love my job, which, you guessed it, involves a lot of writing and organization, and keeping track of things, a lot of important things. Getting dumb will just get me in trouble and then I would possibly get fired for it, it just does not make much long term sense to me. Finally, since I have dyslexia and was held back a year, I did kindergarten twice (yes I am so dumb I failed kindergarten). I don't tell a lot of people that as I get ashamed about it. But anyways, I have worked my butt off to try to catch up in middle school and high school, and I got a master's degree! I did it, I won, I am smart.....but apparently with an average IQ, but these tests are not comprehensive. So all of this adds up to a need to be smart because I have earned it, I know that if I do these files my IQ would be in the 80s, I don't have far to drop. I will hold on and watch from a distance and do files that have no lasting effects.
I read some of the posts be site members who seemed the most committed and affected by the files, and I have confirmed that indeed one of them, the more severe case, has stayed dumb, and has really turned into a different person as a result of the files. It is real, it is scary. But because it is real and scary, it is hotter than anything. No longer is my regression thoughts mere fantasies, it can be seen in real people who have literally regressed their intelligence and they find pleasure in it. It truly does feel good to be dumb.
So where do I sit in all of this? I know that I cannot do this for one. I love to write! Can you tell yet? I write stories, even a full novel I care about, that I want to get published! I love my job, which, you guessed it, involves a lot of writing and organization, and keeping track of things, a lot of important things. Getting dumb will just get me in trouble and then I would possibly get fired for it, it just does not make much long term sense to me. Finally, since I have dyslexia and was held back a year, I did kindergarten twice (yes I am so dumb I failed kindergarten). I don't tell a lot of people that as I get ashamed about it. But anyways, I have worked my butt off to try to catch up in middle school and high school, and I got a master's degree! I did it, I won, I am smart.....but apparently with an average IQ, but these tests are not comprehensive. So all of this adds up to a need to be smart because I have earned it, I know that if I do these files my IQ would be in the 80s, I don't have far to drop. I will hold on and watch from a distance and do files that have no lasting effects.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Dumb Fun and Full of Cum
I am purposely not correcting any typos or spelling errors in this post as a way to show you the readers if I have problems with my intelligence. I was remarking earlier today to a friend that I am a stainglass window of fetishes. I truly think I am generally suscetible to fetishies in general. As you all know, only a week ago I was mired in my other dark fetish: santanism, more particularily my need to masturbate to the promptings of what I see on line inside that religion. Well, I had to get away from that, and I have transitioned, through bed wetting, to my new fetish, which is old, but new again, getting dumb.
So here are the details. I wanted to really focus less and less on what I truly think is Spiritually dangerous. So I went onto some bed wetter forums, and really got turned on by a fantasy to web the bed uncontrollably in my sleep. I got some Good Nites and a few pads, and started a program of allowing myself to wet the bed two nights in a row, that was hot. I needed that, something to distract me, to get me onto something new. Well, I happened to think on Thursday, to look on Warp My Mind, as to if there are any hypnosis files for bed wettings. There are, but more importantly, I found a name who commented on the file page that I recognized from the Dumbing Down file, that I listen to. I thought, on a whim, to serach other posts that this guy made, and voila! A whole, previously undiscovered treasure trove, 46 page long, thread on the dumbing down series. All it took was for me to read this addictive thread for me to get off, and boy did I! I jerked off and cam at least three times last night, and then again this morning to JUST reading the thread, that's right, not listening to the files....yet. I did hear a 30 sec bit, but not the whole thing. I am getting off on seeing the claer *real* regression these guys are going through.
The tile work by making the connection, very easy for me, that being dumb is pleasurable, and the more you orgasm the more it re-enforces the suggestion. So even though I didn't hear the file, just reading about the results, seeing guys IQ scores literally drop, was enough. I was in nice wet diapers, and that only made it better, the lack of potty control and getting dumb, it all fits together into a master fetish that eclipes dark bate stuff. I think I underwent self-hypnosis, it is possible. I just went into a trance and sort of dumbed down by reading the posts to this delicious thread. If you are reading this, and you want to learn more about how good and can be to get dumb, I will link you the thread, it is hot, at least for me.
So I think I am over dark bate, this is far more powerful for me, I have no desire, as of right now, to go back to those other sites. So inside of losing my soul, its just my brain. More later on this crazy fetish adventure I seem to be on!
So here are the details. I wanted to really focus less and less on what I truly think is Spiritually dangerous. So I went onto some bed wetter forums, and really got turned on by a fantasy to web the bed uncontrollably in my sleep. I got some Good Nites and a few pads, and started a program of allowing myself to wet the bed two nights in a row, that was hot. I needed that, something to distract me, to get me onto something new. Well, I happened to think on Thursday, to look on Warp My Mind, as to if there are any hypnosis files for bed wettings. There are, but more importantly, I found a name who commented on the file page that I recognized from the Dumbing Down file, that I listen to. I thought, on a whim, to serach other posts that this guy made, and voila! A whole, previously undiscovered treasure trove, 46 page long, thread on the dumbing down series. All it took was for me to read this addictive thread for me to get off, and boy did I! I jerked off and cam at least three times last night, and then again this morning to JUST reading the thread, that's right, not listening to the files....yet. I did hear a 30 sec bit, but not the whole thing. I am getting off on seeing the claer *real* regression these guys are going through.
The tile work by making the connection, very easy for me, that being dumb is pleasurable, and the more you orgasm the more it re-enforces the suggestion. So even though I didn't hear the file, just reading about the results, seeing guys IQ scores literally drop, was enough. I was in nice wet diapers, and that only made it better, the lack of potty control and getting dumb, it all fits together into a master fetish that eclipes dark bate stuff. I think I underwent self-hypnosis, it is possible. I just went into a trance and sort of dumbed down by reading the posts to this delicious thread. If you are reading this, and you want to learn more about how good and can be to get dumb, I will link you the thread, it is hot, at least for me.
So I think I am over dark bate, this is far more powerful for me, I have no desire, as of right now, to go back to those other sites. So inside of losing my soul, its just my brain. More later on this crazy fetish adventure I seem to be on!
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