Forbidden Fetishes

I know I have been blogging a lot lately, but that is because I have a lot going on internally right now, starting from about a month ago.  I think I have finally come to some conclusion as to what my problems are.  This is by no means conclusive on this subject, but it is at least another piece to the puzzle that makes up my very warped sexuality.

I have a propensity towards what I call "forbidden" fetishes.  If the thing is off limits, that makes it all the more appealing.  Here is a list to help illustrate this point.

Dumbing Down Fetish = Losing Your Brain power

Bed Wetting Fetish = Losing Bladder Control while sleeping

Diaper Dependence - 24/7 Diaper Usage = Loss of Bladder Control

Satanism/Blasphemy Fetish (including Cock Worship) = Losing Your Soul

Sports Gear and Shoe Fetish = Accumulation of unneeded sports gear

Masturbation Addition Fetish = Lose of Faith, ability to do other things, slave to porn


NOTE:  I originally this post had more explanation about each of these, but the stupid computer blogger program gave me a bunch of "blogger-date escaped" and stuff when I did some formatting. Anyways, I think I (or whoever reads this) gets the point of what I am saying.

So every fetish I can think of has some kind of consequence that is bad, harmful, or just plain unhealthy.  And that, in some sick, perverted way, is exactly why I am attracted to them.  I do my best to mask the consequences, not enter into them all the way, which 1) dulls the orgasm, and 2) does not fully engage with the fetish.  The fetishes that are the strongest in me right now are the ones that are the hardest to obtain.  Sports gear is a non-issue, I just buy more gear and keep it, it can be an issue if left unchecked for a long time, but on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give my love of sports gear a 3.  It's just not enough anymore.  All I can do is imagine that I am dumbing down, or regressing in some way, and wearing the sports gear enhances that as a subject already sort of a "dumb jock".

The strongest right now is Dumbing Down, because it is so unobtainable for me, so the desire for it never goes away, it's like a mirage off in the distance, and I keep running after it, but it never comes to me, because I never actually run, I just pretend to run, because actually running would mean I would lose my brain, and thus I would not want to accept those consequences.

I have looked into this issue on Warp My Mind, and have made some file suggestions to make a file that does not make you dumb, but makes you *think* you are dumb, so you get the same affect, without it actually harming you.  I am not sure if such a thing is possible, but there are so many wild, crazy files on that site, why not?  I am a 103 IQ, (based on one on-line test) that can easily be seen as a drop from 120, so I could get all the pleasure of thinking I dropped from 120, when in fact I have not.  It's all perception.  I don't think a similar fake out approach is possible with my other fetishes with serious consequences, but the dumbing down one seems like its possible, I don't know.

In the meantime, I will continue to wallow in this in hopes I find something that can still turn me on.  I know I just need a break from all of this, which is why I am not wearing diapers today.  A dear friend of mine thought that the real issue here is that I just don't have anyone in my life.  I cannot agree more, the problem is finding that right person, it is not as easy as you would think.  At least for me.