A return to old ways

I think it can be safe to say that nothing that noteworthy has occurred to me since my last entry into this blog. This has changed within the last few days. I am deliberately avoiding my typical evening routine to get this out at last. So I am pretty much sure now that I am gay. The question really is what do I intend to do about it.

I will try to make this short as I'm hungry and I don't want to write out a book to get a simple thing across. I know I have a growing addiction to masturbation and with that on line pornography.. It came slow at first, but then I broke the password on my porn filter and I indulged, big time. I came twice yesterday, once just now and about two times before yesterday, I am counting 6 times in the last 5 days. That is a lot higher than normal for me.

There is clearly a problem here that I am constantly dealing with. I asked for forgiveness today, but God knows this was in the midst of the acts I have been committed to. The question is where do I go from here? How do I respond to this ceaseless attack? I have no will to pray or spend time in the Word, and I know this is a contributed to this behavior. When I am caught in the bate and read about others in the same state it is hard to resist the allure that it promises. What is killing me is I have been here before on more than one occasion. In fact you can say this is a carbon copy of where I was when I wrote the entry on Priapus. Yesterday was spend reading about a false religion and its evil. Today was all about Bateworld and the blogs of the countless slaves to penis pleasure. And me who follows along and comes and then in the aftermath once again I am left drained and useless. Why can't I see the lie before I enter in? Why must I keep after it again and again without any remorse?

I was doublely disappointed today when I learned that it is virtually impossible to get a net filter on the iPhone, which I have of course. It seem that technology has cornered me again leaving me no options but my own will to counter this. But that is the problem, I am trying to fight evil without a sword (the Word) without the breastplate of righteousness, or the helmet of truth. I need to take my faith to the next level, I have to. I am under attack here and I am not tapping into the resources that will help me. I wish I had more Christian friends that would just accept me for who I am and hold my accountable. No one comes to me with their issues, so it seems weird for me to go to them with mine.

Here is what I think I need to do for now:
1. Read "the Shack" finish it.
2. Download apps for scripture memory.
3. Read "You don't have to be Gay"
4. Pray Pray pray!