A new dark phase

BR 0.6063362

I have so much to say, so much that I want to write about, but there is more to say than I have time, or energy, to express right now.  It is all my fault, naturally.  I have waited too long since my last post and so more and more has piled up for me to express to you.

The main, principal, change is my increased addiction and devotion to my masturbation.  I have decided, after years of holding back in one form or another, to indulge in the dark forest of my masturbation and lust.  This has manifested itself in my reading the Bible of Cock, or also known as the Bible of Man.  So far I have read it for two nights and the last two nights I came while masturbating to it.  If you are so inclined, it's available for free on-line, all you need to do is google it.  This has strangely led to me viewing less porn, in terms of images, but rather just text is enough.

I feel guilty about this, it is truly a guilty pleasure.  My guilt is in what this is doing to my faith.  I keep telling myself that this is all fake, it's not the real "Bible", it is not sacred text, but as I read this other bible, I cannot help but to imagine, or fantasize for a second, that is could be the "real" Bible and that God is calling me to masturbate, that is is truly the highest form of worship, supreme blissfulness as I develop my cock lust.

My concerns is this does tie into the occult and Satanism.  Yes, I have seen it all.  Part of me is turned on even by this, that there are those out there who practice lust as a religion, but part of me makes me sad.  Why does all of this always have to tie back into religion?  I guess that is a stupid question considering I am looking at the "bible" of cock, of course there are going to be religious overtones, but I see such an anti-christian tone in the writings and specially in the imagery (the book has illustrations).   As if the opposite of Christianity is pleasure.  I truly believe nothing can be further from the truth.  God invented pleasure!  He invented pensis and made them holy, it is only man who made them unholy, mostly though the works of Thomas Aqanius and other reformers who were anti-sex.  This is the legacy of centuries of misguided people who took Paul's writing's too literally and threw it all out.  No wonder all of these lustful, phallic writings are fraught with anti-Christian, even Satanic overtones, because those who write them misinterpret the real Bible as a strict prohibition of all things pleasurable in life, so clearly you would turn from Christ to the antichrist.

As I said, I find it sad.  I wish there were more Christian groups that incorporated their love of Christ with their love of cock and made it something of their own.  You still need to worship the one true God and not what He created, namely a man's penis: this is what these cock temple societies and dark brotherhood's do.  I can't bring myself to dive into that, but boy does my penis want to!  What I need is something of a balance, a group that honors God for God, but also encourages and promotes masturbation as the mode in which to share and indulge in God's love.  I know such a place is hard to find and perhaps does not even exist, but until then my yearnings will continue to call me to read the Bible of Cock.  I am sure you will see my evolution in the coming months (or should I say cumming months!  ;) on this subject.  I hope to also go more into why I have such a strong attraction to this blasphemy fetish, more than porn, more than anything else I write about, why is that?  Why is my faith so wrapped up in this?  I hope to know more soon.