Feeling Kinda Down Today

Today got off with a rough start, not that this is that unusual for me, but it seem that despite my best intentions to communicate love and acceptance to people, it gets perceived as bullying by others.  I am not a bully, never have been and never would want to be one.  I think the issue here is definitions. To me a bully is someone of activity seeks out to intimidate and harm another person in order to make themselves feel better.  They call someone names, and rejoices in seeing the other person get torn down.  I do not do those things, nor would I want to do them.  I was bullied as a kid and I know how much it hurts the other person.  I think what is at issue here is bad communication.  I say A the other person hear's B, even if I never wanted to say B that is what they hear, and so then they come back with C, I am a bully.  This has left me upset, to say the least, as I pride myself in being a loving, accepting person, not quick to judge.  I have sought out friends who do not have other friends, the socially marginalized, as I know they need a person in their lives to be their friend.

I know I am rambling here, I am in a bit of a state, I suppose.  All morning I have been stewing over am email from a friend who said that he thought I was bullying someone else, a mutual friend of ours, when from my perspective, he was the one who pulled away from me, and the only reason he did was because I would not comply with some things he was wanting me to do, that I didn't understand what he was up to, so I stopped and asked a few questions, and this has "ticked him off" and so he just left, no word of explanation.  Just because I question the motives of another person, for my own personal safety ---he was trying to do something to me, like hypnosis or something, although I am not sure, as it didn't get that far---it does not make me a bully!  I think the issue in full is that this person who emailed me seemed to take the other guy's story without asking me first what happened from my perspective.  I have sense tried to correct the issue, there is nothing else I know to do.  I also have no idea how to not be me, if I am a bully by nature and I have no perception of it, then I don't know how to change sense I don't know what behaviors I did that affected the other person.  I feel like I am speaking French and they are speaking Chinese.  We are just not communicating, and it gets to me.  Here I have so few friends, friends who understand me, for who I am, and I seem to be the one who gets to pay the price, by being isolated and alone, and on St. Valentines Day.  Yeah, it's not that bad, I do have friends and people I can talk to, a special friend I have that I look forward to chatting with, but it seems like it's the little things that get to you, and this is one of those things.

I have more I could talk about, but am not wanting to touch on those aspects just now, as I have my day before me and more I need to do around the house.  I am still into the dumbing down fetish, but am staying away from jumping full into the files.  I don't feel remarkably dumb just now, so I think everything is okay.  More later.