As usual, I wish I had more time to devote to this post of my blog. There is more going on in my life right now than I have time to translate into words, in fact I will not check this post for typos, not to turn anyone onto dumbing down, but due to the aforementioned time restraints! Such is life.
Ok, so onto what;s going on. I am spending way too much time fixated on dumbing down, hypnosis, and speaking to friends who are into dumbing down. Not that any of these things are bad, or even lead to bad choices right now for me, but it has become my chief purpose foregoing all other passions, and practices. Prayer? Ha, out the window, I never pray. Not that I don't believe, I do, but it has become a lower priority. Last night I had Law and Order on my TV, ready to watch, it remained unwatched, why? Was reading the dumbing down threads and masturbating to them. I have even heard masturbation hypnosis that is designed to get you more chronically addicted to it. I find I have to constantly hide from my roommate, I am constantly in some kind of compromised state. I am not reading, working on my novel, bearly keeping up with chores. And has this obsession gotten me so far? Well it got me masturbating and horny all the time, but beyond that there is not much to show for it. I know that much of this angst is about my need to be productive, but man I do have goals in life and I am not doing a thing to meet them right now.
I titled this post the ups and down of life because when I am into this stuff, I am very happy, its a rush of endorphins. I love it, gets me so horny and addicted, but then when its over I feel utterly alone. This constant up and down, I know its not healthy, I know I need help, but I keep telling myself I have this covered, I don't need to spend $100 an hour for a therapist for him to tell me I need to not look at warp my mind anymore, I get it, the stuff makes you crazy. My problem is living the straight and narrow is just boring to me. I am not interested in reading books about Henry VIII or Lewis and Clark, I know I need to be, but I'm not. I'm not interested in deepening my academic knowledge on gay marriage and the church and if the Bible says its okay, I ma so over that now, I don't care, I know in my heart its not a sin, do I need to read 1000 pages on line about it? (I had a friend who wrote this and wants me to read it, which is so tedious and boring.
Maybe its the horniness, my sex drive just wants more and more and more, and it won't stop. Is this addiction? Maybe. I want to say so much more, but no time. I will come back and post more soon.
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