A New Person in My Life

I think for the first time since I started this blog, that I can say things are safely coming to an era of stability and growth.  I have broken up with one boyfriend (his life goals were just not the same as my own), but on the heels of that I met someone new.  This new person is acting as the stabilizing force as I see him (yes a second gay relationship) as someone who is descent and kind and not obsessed with sex.  While is not a perfect fit in every regard, I do see him as the person I need in my life right now.  We have not yet met, he lives about 5 hours away from me, but I feel that there will be opportunities in the future to meet, and I am already excited about it.  He is into diapers, which is largely my key fetish.  That helps so much, as I do not know if we would have met otherwise.  I think he can fit into some of the other things that I am into, while I can learn to adjust to his needs and desires.  All of this is speculative, of course.  We have not even met, but I have high hopes for the future.

The main thing that has been eating away at me for a long time is the fact that I feel so incredibly lonely.   And all the gear and fetishes in the world will not satisfy this basic, essential need.  We need to be in relationship, that is how God made us to be.  If I spend all my days masturbating to hockey porn (my latest fetish I am REALLY into) I may be satisfied in the short term, but over time that will never fully fulfill my needs.  At this time, I am looking to wind down some of my addictions to masturbation, as I want to build up a desire to be with my new guy, and have him be the icing on my cake.  I cannot underscore enough how all the problems of my past, the issues I keep coming back to in this blog, are solved when you just have a person in your life to share life's burdens and adventures with.  It won't be easy, it will take sacrifice, but in the end, it will be worth it.

The update on my bate is that I jerk off once a day now, and cum about once every other day.  It's still a big thing for me, but not as it was a month ago--the main reason is I am no longer doing the 50 day challenge, in which I promised myself to masturbate for the Easter season as an expression of celebration for the risen Lord.  While masturbation is important to me, it will no longer be the be-all, end-all.  I will certainly update if that changes.