Fleas!

So I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my cat is fine and the scare I had was not warranted (thanks goodness!). The bad news, as silly as this sounds, is that my house is infested with fleas. Having a cat is a blessing, but it does come with a cost. So far I have bombed my house twice and I am spraying the cat and he has flea meds and a collar. I am not sure what else I can do. I bombed the house today and already I have had two craw on me in different rooms. I need to bathe the cat I think (which he will really hate) and also do something with the carpets to eliminate this issue. Anyways that is on my mind now, as boring as that is.

Now onto some new things. I got the books yesterday and today and I have already begun reading both. I must admit that neither of them are exactly what I expected, but I do think they will be helpful. I am amazed already that after reading the book on overcoming sexual addictions and pornography I was made sort of horny by it, but not that kind that you have an instant hard on, but that lingering kind that gives you just this unrelenting urge to do it. I was on line and saw some pictures of shoes (no penises) and that also kind of got me going. I decided to let loose and jerk off while I was in my bedroom with the cat watching, very awkward!

Well the alarming thing about this session was I could not climax or cum after rubbing for a good 5 minutes. I have not cummed for about two days or so, so I should have no problem. I have noticed that my ability to do it is decreasing and has been for about the last year. I am not sure what is causing this, middle age, too much masturbation? What was even more scary, and a true confirmation of the addicted state I am in, was that I was tempted to just log back onto xtube to get that edge back so I can reach organism. Thankfully, I have not done that. I want to just keep holding back and eventually if I need to bad enough, I will ejaculate without a problem. The point is I need to start training myself to not rely on xtube or other pictures to make me organism. This is hard and rather frustrating because the videos have a power to just get the job done and are very enjoyable to watch and jerk to. I just need to break myself of that desire to see others jerk off or get sucked off.

I don't think I am nearly as far gone as some people addicted to this, so I am thankful for that. Nonetheless, I know I have a long road ahead of me as I attempt to regress my addictive progression to levels that are acceptable. Now I need to work on balancing my checking account!
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