Getting Deeper into Masturbation Addicition

I now regret my decision to "bate free", even though at the time it lifted a restriction, or better stated a weight from my neck in not having to remember the times and circumstances of my masturbation sessions, I now no longer have the data to show a decided uptick in my activity.  I know there is one, as I have been masturbating pretty much non-stop since Christmas Eve.

Here are the details.  I went home to my parents over Christmas, when its just me and them, there really is not too much for us to do, so I had a lot of free time on my hands, something I am not used to.  Well one thing led to another and I sort of went on, for lack of a better term, a binge.  That alone is one thing, but the second is slightly more alarming.  My dark bates have NOT gone away, but rather have intensified, as a friend of mine (blog reader) is getting me more into this, not because he wants to pull me down, but rather that we have experienced the same things, and it is hot for us to encourage each other into the dark pleasures of satanic masturbation.

Even saying this gives me a shutter, of course I just came, so I am, for the time being, in my right mind and not horned up.  What has happened, is I have done this so much now, that I need increasingly more intense material to get me off, even to the point where I am questioning the spirituality of what I am entering into.  I am scared, but also excited at the same time.  I think what allowed the dam of restraint to at last break forth was a realization that, even though its very edgy, it is still just a fetish, like all my others, the only difference is this one involves masturbation to demons with erect cocks.    I know if I read these words when I was 32, when I started this blog, I would be shocked.  I was shocked at myself for looking at Temple Priapus, for crying out loud, and honestly that is weak sauce now, hardly even something to concern me. I should have realized that no matter how much I fight it, I was on a journey to the dark side, Priapus lead to cock worship which basically is satanism.    I think God would find it odd that I get off to masturbating to His mortal enemy.  But I said a little prayer that whatever happened, I would not mean it.  All it took is me watching a 5 minute Xtube video for me to cum in huge, large ropes into the air.

The reason I am writing this is one, to keep a record of this new development, but also to try to find some reason as to why this is happening to me.  I know I have had these tendencies before, but over the last week,, the lid has really been blown off, I am not sure how much more deeper I will end up going.  I guess the appeal is the idea of freedom from rules, and a system that rewards and encourages self pleasure, and making yourself your own God, "Do as Thou Wilt."  This appeals to the sin nature that we all have whether through original sin, or learned behavior, depending on which theologian you believe regarding sin.

Let's face it, sin is pleasurable, there is no way around this.   I have been trying to convince myself that there can be both, you can be a Christian and masturbate as much as you like and nothing will happen.  But the issue is when the masturbation becomes your own god, or better that your cock is your own god, that clearly is a violation of "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" and "Have no idols."  These are clearly sins, so where is the line?  I hope I can get over this and be turned onto something more spiritually benign.

I will write more, I just needed to get this off my chest.