St. Priapus Church

I am continually in this spiritual struggle as I wrestle with my personal demons. I have just only masturbated again, I fear I was drawn to something much worse than even lust, something that is down right heresy against the church. Why is it that I am so prone to turn the gifts God into sin? Here is what happened. Yesterday I decided for some odd reason to check one of my Yahoo groups called OnaniaSupport2. It is basically a group that supports chronic masturbation. I joined it a few months back because I was in this crazy phase where I was into the idea of becoming addicted to masturbation. This again goes back to my desire to wear diapers as a dependency. Addiction for me is seen as a turn on because I am under its control and losing control is fun. Lose of control indicates a lose of responsibility and in that there is a weird kind of freedom to do whatever the heck I want. Sexually I perceive responsibility as being restrained and that kills my lusts for pleasure.

So today I went onto the support group to just see what was being said and whatnot. I noticed that a guy posed about St. Priapus Church. I was of course immediately intrigued to see what this was. Well it is a real church, but calling it a church is rather like calling a Clu Clux Clan an ACLU tolerance group. This group is committing such heresies and blasphemy against God I shiver to think what will happen to those who are members. It's not that they are only sinning, they are doing this is a institutionalized quasi religious fashion, creating rules that force members to over indulge in sin and becoming chronically addicted to auto eroticism. I think its similar to holding AA meeting in a bar with free drinks on the house and then being told they had to drink to continue the program. Their supposed enlightenment is a web of rules to bring about slavery to their sex drives. This sex cult requires that you wear no clothes and basically engage in homosexual group ogres and members partake in what they sacrilegiously refer to as "communion", basically eating the sacred cum of others. They rejoice at feeding their lusts for one another and their selves, grossly perverting what God intended for good for their hedonistic self worship and drunken pleasures.

Here is where I am now. I am drawn to this evil. I am. It turns me on big time. I have been horny all day since I have run across their sight, fantasying about one of their ritualistic cock worship services. Seeing that these people pay homage to the organ that brings about such release and pleasure was too much to resist. It goes against every Christian belief there is and they even admit it in their evil creed. Saying they oppose Jesus' calling lust wrong. They might as well be worshiping Satan. So what did I do? I was horny and had a hard on as soon as I walked into the door. I left the computer on to the church's website. I had already seen signs all day that this group was evil, seeing the number "666" on two different random occasions, how often does that happen? But do I heed the call God was telling me? No. I insist on reading more about this pagan cult. My imagination and fantasies are running wild. I am even given an out at the last minute, I change into some horny sweats and I get my lotions out of my bedroom and take it to the computer room to engage in masturbatory worship and then the doorbell rings. My Bible teacher is there to give me information about the Greek word for homosexuality! How random was that? I had asked him on Sunday about it and he choose to come at that exact moment, seconds before I was to enter into this.

He leaves and I feel guilty. I have to go to the bathroom, but instead of peeing the normal way I use a diaper which turns me on. I justify it as being ok because it is a diaper not homosexual sex. I return to my computer room and see it all waiting for me. The temptation is too hard to resist and I begin to jerk off while reading about the history of the cult and their practices. I cum when I read the second part of their idolatry cock prayer. I feel VERY guilty and close the site without bookmarking it and begin to reflect on this and this is where I am now.

I have a clear head now about this because I am not horny. I think the issue here is my inner most desire to be dedicated to masturbation addiction and homosexual group sex, especially getting a blow job. This group is the first I have seen that practices this in a structured manner in the same fashion as religion. A church that requires you to get blow jobs and to jerk off in their services! That makes me horny to no end. It is just the idea of that making a sacred practice of honoring God into a practices of worshiping a created gift of God, our penises and what they can do for us. It is self love to the Nth degree, it is self destructive and so clearly leads to hell if members do not repent of this lifestyle and blasphemy.

I happened to read some of Romans last night. Romans 1:24-27. "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. 26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion." Does that not describe this "church"? And what have I done? I have allowed once again the flames of my lusts to consume me and my penis is the center of everything, deciding what I do, controlling me rather that I it. I will pray very long about this and hope I can address the root problem as to why I am drawn to this kind of control and pleasure. I know God wants me to enjoy my body, He made it! But I need to learn, with the help of the Holy Spirit, how to satisfy my personal needs without inflaming lust and attraction to sacrilege. May God have mercy on my poor soul. I am a sinner, but I know I am coved by Grace. Praise be to God!
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